Thoughts on Cleavage

I think cleavage is the great equalizer among women. It is what puts an unattractive woman with a great rack on an even playing field with an attractive, flat-chested girl.
Last October, I tore my contacts and was forced to wear my glasses for awhile. To make matters worse, I was playing around with a friend in an alley, sans glasses, and I tripped. Luckily for me, I broke the fall with my face. So, not only was I forced to wear my glasses, causing me to lose attractive points, I had cement burns on my forehead and nose, and my lip had busted and was swollen to about 5 X's its normal size. I had people compare me to a Simpson . . . Bart and Marge! So for around a week and a half, I wore low cut shirts to work in an effort to distract from my new Quasimodo face.
I have a decent size pair of boobs, so on occasion my shirt will shift or I will bend forward causing a little cleavage to peek out. I have a friend who has cleavage radar. As soon as the cleavage comes out, alarms go off in her brain, and she's right there to point out that I might want to rein in it. Sometimes, I appreciate it. But sometimes, it's downright irritating. I mean, it's not entirely my fault. I think some of the blame has to go to gravity. Besides, it's not lusty cleavage that I'm showing. It's "modest cleavage" or "classy cleavage".
I guess to some up my thoughts on this subject, I'd have to leave you with a quote by a wise man. "Smoke 'em if you got 'em!"

thoughts on lisa

Two years ago, I decided to take a ballroom dance class for a semester at a local community college. I went with a friend, and we thought it would be a lot of fun. Turned out to be a lot of awkward. Everyone else who came brought their own partner. So, my friend and I took turns being the "man" in the partnership. I do have to admit, though, that I am one heck of a "man" (when it comes to dancing). There was one girl there with her fiance and her whole bridal party. Now, one thing you should know about me, I love nicknames, especially if I don't know your actual name. So, I called this girl Lisa because she reminded me of Baby's sister, Lisa, from Dirty Dancing. Lisa thought she was hot stuff. She overly shook her hips during the rumba, and unnecessarily shook them during the waltz. She could pretty much always be seen shaking her hips. I guess she was trying to be sexy. And boy, did it work! - no, I'm just kidding. Over the course of the class, Lisa became my nemesis, unbeknownst to her. I had sort of become the teacher's favorite. But, when he wasn't dancing with me, he was dancing with Lisa. It wasn't like the teacher was hot, but Lisa was engaged. Did she have to be teacher's pet, too? Well, the class eventually ended, but occasionally I still see Lisa around the area. She never seems to recognize me. I saw her once at the theater working concessions. I elbowed my friend and whispered, "Lisa!" Then we both laughed and moved on. Today, I saw Lisa eating lunch at McCallister's. I wondered what she was doing with her life. Did she ever get married to that guy she danced with? It occurred to me that I might go up and ask her what her real name is. But that would ruin the illusion of Lisa, my obnoxious, hip-shaking, one-time nemesis from not so long ago.

thoughts on stereotypes

Why are stereotypes considered a bad thing?  I think when used appropriately, they can actually be an advantage.  For instance, blondes are considered dumb.  Because of my blond hair, those I work with think that I, too, am not the brightest.  Little do they know that I graduated college Summa Cum Laud with a grade point average of 3.949.  This actually gets me out of having to do a lot of crap that I'd rather not deal with.  Example number two: the middle child syndrome.  Because I am a middle child, I  have an automatic pass on some of my stranger quirks.  I just shrug my shoulders and say "middle child", and people seem quite satisfied with that answer.  What is really disappointing is when certain stereotypes turn out to be less than truthful.  As I have gained weight over the last few years, my disposition has, in fact, become more jolly.  So when I meet an overweight person who is not funny or fun to be around, I get the same feeling I got when my mom told me that Santa did not exist.  Case in point: I know a person who by all accounts and stereotypes should act in a certain way. And for awhile this person did. Suddenly, she's breaking the rules of her particular stereotype. I don't think I like it.  Was it all a ruse?  All I am saying is that perhaps, there is a reason for stereotypes.  And if you fall under the category of one, would it kill you to play along?  I like my fat people jolly, my old men grumpy, and my bosses clueless as to what really goes on in the company.