thoughts on personal ads

So, I was bored at work today and thought I would pop on to Craigslist and just do random searches. While on that website, I came across the personal ads. Interest peaked, I looked over my shoulder to make sure no one saw me, and I clicked on men seeking women. Now, to be clear, I was just reading them for funsies. But, I came across one that seemed like something a normal person would write. Suddenly I found myself wanting to email this guy. I wanted to ask him if he seemed normal, why would he put out a personal ad? What was wrong with him? Maybe there was nothing wrong with him. Maybe he was just doing it for fun himself. I don't know. I ran all this by a single male coworker because I was seeking direction in the whole should I respond thing. First, we spent a few minutes while I read him the really creepy ones, but then I read him this guy's ad. My coworker said that if I wanted to email this guy that he would give me one of his old throwaway email addresses to use, but in his opinion, I should just assume the worse. "Look at ____ (this guy we work with)" he said. Then he asked me how I would describe him if I were to try to sell him on eharmony or some such website. First, I would call him dapper, because he wears a lot of gel in his hair. Then I would say he enjoys the sweeter things in life, because he has an affinity for Dr. Pepper. I'd say he enjoyed long conversations, because he is hard to get away from once he starts talking. And, I'd probably call him intense, er, passionate. When I started thinking that way, I realized that this seemingly normal guy with the Craigslist personal ad could be doing the same thing. I guess I'll just have to meet guys the old fashioned way...and find less weird things to do for funsies.

thoughts on deer

We grow up with this image of deer as cute, innocent wildlife who frolic in the meadows amongst the butterflies. They would never hurt a fly. What a bunch of crap! I can't even count the number of times I've had to slam on my brakes or swerve off the road to avoid hitting those adorable bastards. They're suicidal maniacs, darting out in front of cars, causing accidents, taking lives. They are the kamikaze agents of the animal underworld, hellbent on destroying humanity, one car at a time. I no longer cry when Bambi's mother is shot by the humter. I'm a little ticked off that he let Bambi go free.
I remember once, in like the late 80's, on a snowy day a deer wandered into our yard. My mom was so excited she ran and got the camcorder so that she could videotape the phenomemon. What we didn't realize at the time was that deer was just a spy, staking out the surrounding area and taking note of the number of houses, cars, children, etc. I'm surprised he didn't run off to gather his deer friends and stage a coup.
Some fear the Muslims taking over. Some fear alien invasion. But, I say that if we are wise, we will not take for granted the real threat: deer.

thoughts on spies

I think I would enjoy being a spy. The idea of having a double life is kinda cool. I think it would be fun to have a life that neither friends nor family know about - a life that's just mine. Plus, if I was a spy, I would know like 500 ways to kick someone's butt. A well placed karate chop would render them unconscious for hours. As it is, the only move I know is kneeing someone in the groin.
There's also the massive arsenal of cool weaponry to consider. I'd have glasses that shoot laser beams, hand lotion laced with cyanide, a tube of lipstick that triggers explosives and other awesome things.
Yes, being a spy would be fun. But, alas, I am but a cowardly, overweight, dreamer with no idea how to save the world from evil operatives or avert danger. The only thing I spy on is the cake someone left in the breakroom.